Have You Ever Been Sexually Abused?
by Stephanie L. Jones
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, as well as National Child Abuse Awareness Month
Child Sexual Abuse. It’s something that no one wants to talk about. It’s shameful, embarrassing, and humiliating. But it’s something that affects every family at some point in time. Therefore, we must talk about it.
One in 3 females and 1 in 5 males are sexually abused as children and 90% of the time it’s at the hands of a family member, close family friend, or trusted leader. It’s not a stranger on the street, but it’s someone the victim loves and trust. Some of the results of sexual abuse include low self-esteem, health problem, sexual promiscuity, teenage pregnancy, abortion, excessive spending habits, and problems forming and maintaining relationships.
- 66% of teen pregnancies and abortions are preceded by sexual abuse.
- 96% of prostitutes were sexual abuse victims.
- 75% of rapists were sexual abuse victims.
- 60% of children who experience abuse and neglect are more likely to be arrested at some point in their lives.
I know what it feels like to endure years of sexual abuse and suffer in silence. I was sexually abused for over seven years, beginning at age five. However, it wasn’t until I was almost 30 years old that I told someone about it and addressed how it affected my teenage and young adult life. Through prayer and spending time with God, I realized that what happened to me as a child didn’t just go away. God showed me how it led to one bad decision after the next. But, most importantly, I learned the steps to heal from it!
- What are some steps abuse victims can take to begin the healing process?
First, the person should pray and ask God to show them how they’re still being affected by it. There are side effects that seem to exist amongst all victims, but they do vary by person. Secondly, talk to someone! Keeping silent doesn’t make it go away or stop the pain. Sexual abuse is a heavy burden to bear alone. Last, forgive the offender. Forgiveness is a decision and something that a person purposes in their heart to do. It doesn’t make the abuse right nor does it mean they must have a relationship with the offender. It means letting go of the anger and resentment in one’s own heart. There may be other necessary steps. It depends on where the victim/survivor is at in life. But this is a great place to start!
- Only 15% of abuse cases are ever revealed. Why don’t victims tell?
There’s no one reason, but usually as a child, the victim is not aware of the seriousness of the situation. Sometimes they feel like participants and are afraid of getting in trouble. Oftentimes it’s an issue of fear. Ninety-percent of the time the offender is a family member or close family friend. No one wants someone they love or another family member to serve 10-25 years in prison for child molestation.
- What can other people do to help remedy this problem?
Be more selective about where and with whom they allow their children to spend their time, including with family members, friends, and leaders. Pay attention to children’s actions and conversations. Stop making sexual abuse the family secret! Keeping quiet only allows for it to go on generation after generation. Also, get children help when child-on-child sexual abuse takes place. This will prevent them from becoming teenage and adult child molesters.
Stephanie L. Jones, author of The Enemy Between My Legs, is a highly sought after speaker for schools, organizations, and churches. A sexual abuse survivor, she knows and understands the effects that it has on a victim’s life. She is committed to helping others, especially teenage girls and young women, find healing from the pain of their past. Purchase the book or connect with Stephanie confidentially at www.stephanieljones.com
EDUCATE,EDUCATE, EDUCATE your children on what’s wrong and right for another person to do to them and make them understand, that no matter what the person has told them about hurting them or anyone else,they must still tell. Teach the children when they’re young, teach them to scream, to run away from the person. Children need to be educated, shown what’s right and wrong.Yes, I was molested as a young teenager by my biological father, a man I harldy knew, he was demented and when he looked at me, he saw my mother. I got away from him as soon as I could,I went to the police and told them, he was locked up and I went back to my mothers only to find out no one really believed me. This is why so many people don’t tell, because they have no one to support them and as a young child, you can’t go through this alone, you can’t defend yourself, even the authorities don’t always believe the victim’s story… small minded people, and at the time it happened to me, most were men, so, go figure, they didn’t do anything to really help me, the evidence was there, but,he was still acquitted to once again find another young victim to molest. I got through it by telling myself it was not my fault and I would not allow it to control me, yes, alot of prayers through the years, but, mostly, I never put it in my memory bank.I fear for the children today, so many are forced to grow up too soon, to care for themselves and without a doubt, millions of children are being molested, but, what are we doing about it, it’s a topic that has always been swept under the rug so to speak, at least that’s my opinion.We as adults are failing our children, if you know or suspect a child is being molested, stand up for that child, don’t think about the demented person, who they are in the community or the fact that his or her life will be ruined. Why would you care about them, do you not know that the child will suffer more. The pertrator can’t be healed,he has always and always will continue to molest children, so, don’t think you can help him or her, put him or her away where they belong for a very long time, under lock and key, then work with the child to make him or her realize it wasn’t their fault.Know who your children are with at all times, don’t let them go to homes you don’t know, we need to slow down and become families again.
So,this must be something no one wants to talk about, seeing as there is only 1 reply and that’s mine. I can understand a person not wanting to talk about being sexually abused as it will bring back the pain, but, it is my belief that more people should stand up and speak to try and put a end to this crime, or at least, keep it from happening so much. If children heard more about those of us thaT have endured sexual abuse, that is one way they can be educated about it and the more educated they are, the less likely they will let it happen to them or the more likey they will tell someone if they are abused. Being sexually abused is nothing for the victim to feel guilty about, nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, it brings pain when you relive your horrible experience, but, at the same time, think of it as a way of educating little children and keeping them from having to endure it. I’m a survivor of sexual abuse!!!!! We’re living in a period where you read every day of children being abused, kidnapped and murdered by demented human devils. There has to be something we can do to put a stop to this.
REMEMBER, MAKE THIS THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE… YOU HAVE THE POWER TO DO IT