SLS Men of Substance
Who do you admire? What have they done that’s worthy of your admiration?
We’re inspired throughout our lives by heroes and mentors, and other men of style and intelligence who raise the bar for all of us. Here’s a place to sing their praises.
Author Rhonica Wesley
shelialipsey
pathtotruth
hbcukidz
wandadhudson
sking74
Shelia
tavaresakaechelon
donovancheryl
monicatagore
ipendesigns
The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, Amber-Allen Publishing, San Rafael, CA (1997).
This is one of the most spiritually powerful books packed into 138 easy to read and understand pages. I have read a whole lot of “great” books in the past 25 some odd years that deal with expanding human potential. I have to say that this one is the clearest, cleanest and simplest I have ever read.”
The Four Agreements can be summed up as follows:
(1) Be Impeccable With Your Word. The broad scope of this concept is to avoid sin against yourself by what you think. Sinning against the self takes many forms: such as, putting yourself down, gossiping, or putting anybody else down because you don’t agree with what they think. Actions and words need to be consistent as part of being impeccable with yourself. The other side of the coin is the smoky mirror concept. Ruiz makes the point that our perceptions of others are merely reflections of ourselves. Therefore, to put another down or project negative words or energy towards another person, is to lash out at the other person because of our own insecurities.
(2) Don’t Take Anything Personally. There is an awful lot of negative energy out there and some of it is directed at us by other people. If you take it personally and take on the poison of another’s words, it becomes a very negative agreement you have with yourself. What anybody thinks about you, or says about you, is really about them. Not taking it personally allows you to be in relationship with anyone and not get trapped in their stuff. This agreement can also pertain to things that we take personally that cause us to go into upset.
(3) Don’t Make Assumptions. What we think we understand about what someone says, how someone looks at us, what someone means by what they do, etc, may often not reflect reality at all, and more often than not lead us to think badly of ourselves or of others, and reinforce not being impeccable with our word.
(4) Always Do Your Best. Your “best” is a variable thing from moment to moment. “When you do your best, you don’t give the Judge the opportunity to find you guilty or to blame you.” You can always say, “I did my best.” There are no regrets. (p.80) The other key to doing your best revolves about being in action. “Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are. Expressing what you are is taking action. You can have many great ideas in your head, but what makes the difference is the action. Without action upon an idea, there will be no manifestation, no results, and no reward.” (p.82)
I could really relate to the mirror analogy and the concept that perception is the way that people see light (truth & spirit) through their own smoky mirror.
The first agreement was probably the most powerful for me. I never conceived of how much power (energy) that words have. The story of the little girl who stopped singing was especially touching. I recall many in the legal field and the power their words had on the lives of children. With one pompous, statement out of wrongful use of power, I saw so many children further abused by Judges. Judges who were so cloaked in either laziness or narcissistic power and promoting a corrupted buddy system, they can’t see the truth or protect the innocents who have no representation. Further, they knew there is rarely any retribution because few people can afford an appeal. I reflected on how many unkind words had drastically changed my life. I also reflected on how one, “I love you mommy”, and a hug from your baby girls can make even the worst year worth living.
“Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of love and truth for yourself.” (pg 32) I would also add “for yourself . . . and others.” This is a powerful concept about using free will to make correct choices that lead one closer to God. This is one of the main premises in NDERF’s talk at the IANDS conference when talking about soulmates and relationships.
The second agreement is very close to the Buddhism concept of non-attachment. Don’t take anything personally. (I’m still struggling with this concept, so any Buddhists who can comment on my perceptions regarding non-attachment would be most helpful) I like the concept that there can be no fear if you don’t take anything someone says as personal.
However, I like to take love personally. From my perspective, In order to live, you have to feel. Without feeling emotions, you wouldn’t be able to feel or understand love.
I think perhaps Ruiz needed to emphasize that he was talking of the negative emotions. While this is good advice for most people, the more you understand, the more you can refine the concept. I think that adversity and negative emotions can bring about some of the most powerful reformations and social change. Many times, change happens because the emotions provide the motivation behind the movement. It is not necessarily a bad thing to be angry or use that energy in a constructive manner. I think that many times the science of non-attachment or not taking things personally has a leads to passivism. Passivism or beliefs resulting in passivism, in my opinion, can be another form of evil because people tend to ignore problems in society and their own lives - rather than try to change them.
Don’t make assumptions. This is where the book starts to get a bit contradictory. I find the concept of not making assumptions at odds with the concept on page 58, where he talks about paying attention to someone’s actions that don’t match their words. While I agree it is healthy not to take someone’s lies personally, I also think that there are some people you can’t clarify lies with. They may not even realize they live in a world based on lies.
Many times, I think our preconceived notions (assumptions) may be a behavioral shorthand that keeps us safe. I missed the distinction between a gut feeling and an assumption. Both can turn out to be wrong - but initially, I don’t think you should ignore them. It would seem more of a distinction to say that a misunderstanding is one of those shades of gray. If the reality is wrong, then the core assumption needs to be changed. Generally, a good easy rule to remember and follow is to not make assumptions. However, sometimes, it is not only necessary, but it is a key process by which we can quickly gauge our outside world.
Do your best at everything. I espouse the 4th agreement in just about everything I do, and whole-heartedly endorse this concept. This was a wonderful chapter until the last paragraph. It is silly for a person to not be concerned about the future. It’s called goal-planning. While living in the present is truly living, I would think that one would look towards the future to achieve specific ideals. For example, one may wish to invest in stocks for financial security in old age.
The last part of the book is inspirational and thought provoking. Particularly intriguing is the inference on pg 113 that a healthy mind is outside normal limits. I also liked when Ruiz talks of forgiveness, which is not defined in the traditional religious sense. Rather it is used more like remaining impeccable in your words. His description of forgiveness is one that I am finding the most empowering when working with blocked emotions. It is to allow the emotions to flow and ebb, without obstruction, and without judgment. If something needs to change, then do your best to change it. Don’t take it personally, and don’t assume that you personally are the cause of the negative actions. Again, The Four Agreements is a wonderful book with great concepts!
Book review by Jody, NDERF. A special and heartfelt thanks to William Fitzhugh for bring this book to my attention and subsequently exploring the meaning of the book via e-mail exchanges.
Copyright1999 by Dr. Jeffrey P. Long
Barack Obama’s Dark Side- by Julius Kane 1/14/08
Think about this: if Barack Obama was white he’d probably already be president. “Obama’s not black enough!” Rev. Jessie Jackson said his statement was taken out of context. But why would such salty words even part his lips? It’s true Obama [ ain’t] as ghetto as Jessie Jackson or as street smart as Rev. Al Sharpton, but neither does he carry the resentment and anger often associated with being pro-black. Such attitudes can make you uncompromising and uncompromising black men are feared most in America. In this country you’re going to need a lot of white votes to get into the White House. So far Obama is hanging in there. But realistically, anybody with the word ‘Rev’ in front of his name can forget about it.
Believe me, while living in America, Barack Obama has been discriminated against many times over. But he won’t tell you about it. Even his name is the object of ridicule. However, he refuses to wear his pain on his sleeve and white Americans understand that. Just to see Obama fight for every inch he gets is inspiring. His hope is not just one man’s dream it’s the dream of our grandparents and great- grandparents who in their wildest dreams could not imagine a black man in America (no matter what his background) standing where he is right now- waiting for all black folks to join him.
Now, African-Americans who insist they won’t vote for Obama just because he’s black, will turn around and vote for Hilary Clinton, just because she’s a woman. Does that make sense? I say ‘why not vote for Obama just because he’s black?’ We’ve had a handicapped president, a drug addicted president, a homosexual president, a racist president, and most recently a retarded president. Why not a black president?
Countless candidates have been voted into office strictly on the basis of their race. Then there’s former Klansman David Dukes who almost won a seat in the Senate just because he was white. Clarence Thomas and Condoleezza Rice have their current positions because they’re black. My boss got his job because he’s white. He certainly wasn’t qualified. The guy in the cubicle next to you, despite his incompetence, keeps his job because he’s white. If he was black they would have fired his butt a long time ago.
Americans who feel like Hilary Clinton’s ascent to power is an unstoppable train and they need to get on board before it’s too late, is foolish. An Obama presidency will show the world that America is trying to turn the page on it’s jaded past and is moving towards a viable social and economic future for all of it’s citizens. But it will take a more united America for that to happen.
There’s no doubt Obama has the support of more progressive Americans and he’s going to need it. But I wonder how many white Americans who publicly say they’ll vote for Obama, then step into the voting booth, close the curtain, and press the button that says Hilary Clinton? No matter what, win, loose or draw, Obama should at least be able to count on black folks to have his back.
Why is Hilary “the White House is run like a plantation” Clinton leading Barack Obama among African American voters? Do black women feel closer to Hilary Clinton because she’s a woman? Or could it be that for years black women have been bombarded and programmed to help white America emasculate their black men to the point where they can no longer picture a black man under their roof, more less on the world stage?
A lot of black women are so far removed that they don’t view Barack Obama as their father, brother, uncle, son, husband or friend. But as another black man who’s only going to cause them pain or shame. They’ve remained angry at daddy for running out and sour at their child’s father for being financially unviable. It’s still the old ‘divide and conquer’.
The GOP can always count on bitter black women to work against their black men.
Now, why would Hilary Clinton be leading among black male voters? Because some buy into the propaganda that Obama couldn’t win the national election. Some fear for his life-a bullet from some snipers rifle maybe. While others are upset because he gets more press then their leaders and doesn’t march or attack their enemies.
It’s ashamed that black folks who’ve been asking for leadership and change are so scared, that they don’t recognize it when it arrives .Barack Obama’s dark side doesn’t belong to him but to African-Americans who are still unable or simply unwilling to come together and embrace him and ultimately each other.
Julius Kane is a freelance writer with Sankofa literary Society.org
E-mail Julius kane at jkane06@hotmail.com
Is Being Arrogant Good or Bad?
How to Be Arrogant
Arrogance is said to be virtue. Here’s how you can learn what arrogance is and how to benefit from its use. The purpose of arrogance is to let those whom you do not really value anyway know that you are better than them at a certain activity or in character.
The overall benefit to using arrogance is being treated as a superior person. In order to have that red carpet treatment, you must truly accept and adhere to strict arrogance protocol.
Steps to Be Arrogant
The first key to being arrogant is to believe you are as good as you say you are. So tell yourself you are the best and take pride in every single thing you do.
The second key to being arrogant is having a silent presense. Your body language needs to reflect a higher status value - stand up straight, make confident purposeful movements, do not smile often, and walk with long strides.
Don’t just talk superior; be superior in what it is you say you are superior at.
Set the highest standards of etiquette for which your vocation calls.
Have some cash with you all the time.
Dress well.
Tips to Be Arrogant
As you become more arrogant, you will eventually be forcing yourself to live up to your own hype. Think of it as a forced self-improvement program.
Arrogance is best used with sarcasm or some otherwise cutting remark which does not dispute the statements of others, but uses wordplay to turn other people’s words against them.
Being the best at everything is too much work, so boast your superiority strictly in areas where you cannot be challenged.
Being arrogant is different from boasting your achievements or material wealth.
Real arrogance, when applied properly, gives the impression of your perceived sense of superiority, wealth, and achievement without discussing it.
Most people have a “bitch switch” in their head which you can hit in order to get obedience and adherence to your self-imposed will, it is simply a matter of phrasing your arrogant comments in such a way as to program your lackey to obey you.
Warnings to Be Arrogant
Never be arrogant with those whom you truly value or respect. The purpose of being arrogant is to “tone down” or silence your critics or those who are a little bit more happy with themselves than they should be.
You are only trying to climb up on the backs of those whom you do not trust or otherwise do not like.
If you claim to be superior in an area in which you lack the skills or expertise… your arrogance will fall apart and lose its effect.
In summary, you really shouldn’t be arrogant, only use this guide for very special and unusual circumstances.
IMMEDIATE RELEASE
2007 NAACP Debut Author Nominee Prepares for Second Book Release The Knees of Gullah Island on Sepia/Harlequin Imprint
Memphis, TN – January 28, 2008 – The Knees of Gullah Island (Kimani Press, March 2008, $14.95 US, $18.95 CAN), the sophomore release of author Dwight Fryer, arrives in bookstores nationwide on March 1, 2008. This book is a prequel to his first novel, The Legend of Quito Road, which earned Fryer a nomination for Outstanding Literary Work from a Debut Author at the 38th NAACP Image Awards last year.
The Knees of Gullah Island examines the life of Gillam Hale, the free-born son of an African Methodist Episcopal (AME) preacher from Cumberland, Maryland, and his search for his wife Queen Esther and the five children they had together. They were free persons of color, but Gillam and his family were kidnapped and sold separately into American slavery. After the Civil War, he could find no trace of his wife or offspring, so Gillam began a new life. Son Erby, the main character from The Legend of Quito Road, is Gillam’s grandson from that second family he started.
In this next Southern tale, Gillam leaves his second family to search for his first. In Dwight Fryer fashion, the theme of this book is “bent knees straighten crooked deeds.” The Knees of Gullah Island follows Gillam, Queen Esther and their son Joseph to 1883 Charleston, Edisto Island and the South Carolina Low Country. This is a timeless story of love, loss, hope and rebirth. The Knees of Gullah Island explores Gullah – Geechee culture and its historical significance in American history. This story examines the complex racial dynamics that shaped the South through one family’s extraordinary journey to freedom.
Dwight Fryer is an author, motivational speaker and businessman. Dwight has twenty-five years business experience in transportation, manufacturing, and capital services in technology, finance, accounting, marketing and leadership. Dwight and his wife Linda live in a rural area near Memphis. They have an adult daughter. He is working on his third novel and his first nonfiction title.
THE KNEES OF GULLAH ISLAND
ISBN: 0-373-83119-6
KIMANI PRESS/SEPIA IMPRINT
$14.95 US, $18.95 CAN
Please contact for a press kit, interviews and book club meetings.
Contact:
Amanda Fryer
a.m.fryer@gmail.com
http://www.DwightFryer.com
On The Shoulders of Giants Journal
The On The Shoulders of Giants Journal (OTSOJ) is an all male blog, created to show African-American males that we do care about them and we want to support them in every way.
EDC Creations is currently seeking male single-parents, male athletes, business owners, pastors, doctors, community leaders, lawyers, writers and poets for a New Blog called, On The Shoulders of Giants Journal.
We will host monthly radio shows to bring the news to the world. The On The Shoulders of Giants Journal, radio broadcast, will take place the first Sunday of each month.
Male- to-Male Intervention and Support Network
Real Men | Real Issues | Real Help
See Your Message Change the World!
If you want to take part, visit our site and start sharing your wisdom today!
This blog will showcase African American men at their BEST! Each male author of the blog will post daily musings, poetry, short stories, or just tips for other men to ponder. Please let me know if you would like to be one of the official male writers, authors, and bloggers. Each male blogger will share information that can lift his brothers and sister up!
Website: http://edc1creations.squarespace.com/shoulders-of-giants
i need a feed for your site. i am at home with the posts you’ve chosen to publish. great stuff!