The Voice of the Abused

Love Experiences

(The Voice of the Abused)

Been through love experiences and still remain confused

I don’t quite understand “Love Terms” I thought it involved two.

Two people with an understanding,

patience and desires to walk down life’s road

Not always hand in hand

But willing to carry the others load.

Two people who set forth to reach similar goals

And when there are differences assuming the supportive role

Two people with undying faith, belief and trust

Realizing to have a marriage these parts are a must.

Been through loves experiences, been hurt in the past

Turned my back, walked away, never knowing

The hurt would resurface this fast.

Had that fantasy dream, that “Happily Ever After” lie

Went through that depressed state thinking I would die.

Pulled myself through it all with friends and prayers to God above

And just as foolish as before asked only to be loved.

Went in and out of relationships not wanting to be on the rebound.

Also didn’t look or check for a new foundation starting on solid ground.

Fell into a friendship, a one sided love affair,

Stayed close to ten long years knowing I really didn’t care.

No, I couldn’t love again, not release the feelings in me

No, I didn’t trust the relationship

Just took what I could with no love guarantees.

Then you reentered my life, a puppy love from puberty

I knew God had answered my prayers at last

A love I thought was meant to be.

It didn’t take love to revel itself, a relationship again

With hurt and pain

You had past thoughts of battered love

And treated me as if things were the same.

Never mind the levels we climbed together

The accomplishments we made

Now that I look over this, I’m not just depressed

I’m Afraid.

Afraid of you and the things you do and say

Afraid of the marks it leaves on my mind, body and heart

This is not love, now again I pray for a new start

I am drifting into a zone of unknown silence

I realize I am becoming a victim of Domestic Violence.

If you can’t love me as you said, you would in the beginning

Walk away leave me alone,

My children nor my life needs a devastating ending.

In the words of some wise man or maybe just a thoughtful quote,

He who truly loves never grabs his spouse or loved one

By the throat.

These are my feelings and thoughts

As again I stand confused

I know what comes around goes around,

I wonder who I abused.

I’ll close my eyes again tonight crying as I pray,

God grant me forgiveness, peace and solitude

And if you find extra love……..

Please send it my way.

Thoughts & Reflections©2000

Author Nanette M. Buchanan

Author Nanette M. Buchanan

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