Nilla Luv

You’re an adult much longer than you’re a child, so childhood memories remain with you your entire lifetime. Parents should keep this in the back of their minds as they make decisions for their children. Do they? Nope. That’s why some of us are just plain old to’ up today. We just won’t or can’t let things go! It’s hard to forget when all you can do is remember.

My issue may not be much of an issue with the state of the world today. My own inner turmoil that I must release at some point to heal is my lustful adoration of Vanilla Wafers. There, I said it, it’s out and time to move on!

Why have I held onto this for so many years? I’m 44 and this one memory keeps popping up. Wanda, it’s just a cookie. NO IT’S NOT! It’s the cookie that my mother NEVER let me have! It’s the cookie that only entered our house on special occasions. Since when did making a Banana Pudding overrule the hunger pains of a child? Mama why? Why couldn’t I have the dayum wafer? Why?

The mere site of the yellow box, the thought of the sweet taste as I nibbled; the feel of the delicate crumbs….aaaaaaaah….Did I get to savor these things? No! See, if my mama gave me one cookie, just one cookie, she wouldn’t have enough to complete her masterpiece. Hell, it wasn’t as if the lights or the gas would get turned off if I ate one. We wouldn’t have to live on the street over one cookie. I love Banana Pudding, but I hate what it has done to me. I wanted to flip to finished product over onto the floor and make it feel like I did. Hurt. Upset. Mad.

When I go to the grocery store I always speak to the Vanilla Wafers – “What’s up my, Nilla?” The box smiles at me and wishes me well. I don’t always buy a box but when I do, the wafers don’t stand a chance at becoming added to any other delectable dessert. They are all mine! Awww, Lawd, talk about overdose issues!

I bought a box of Vanilla Wafers last week. It was then that I decided to write this and hopefully get over my childhood issues. I don’t know if it’s working. I can see myself standing in the kitchen begging for a cookie and I’m still mad! What in the &*%$# is wrong with me? Geesh…

They say the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. I don’t know what the second step is. I do know that I’m going to eat every dayum Vanilla Wafer and think about the times that I didn’t get to eat them.

Yah’ll, it’s a cookie. Think before you speak to your child. So what they spill something; will the house disintegrate? No, and you won’t either. I have a little list that isn’t written down, but I have to let it go:

  1. One can of Cranberry Sauce on the holiday. Uhm…Cranberry Sauce is only available on the holidays? Ma, why? Why, Ma?
  2. Why did I get a whoopin’ when I fell off the bike and broke my tooth? Ma, Daddy, why?
  3. Why did we have to eat fish with the bones in it and get yelled at that we better not choke on the bone?


I love my parents and I had a wonderful childhood. I think I’m just missing my Daddy and reminiscing. Will I always have Luv for my Nilla? Yep…Nilla Luv….ahhhh, Nilla Luv….

I luv yah’ll.


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