Discipline or Punishment

by: Cheryl Lacey Donovan

Our best example of parenting, God praises, advises nurtures, encourages, teaches, and trains us. Teaching our children to live a Christian life should be done by precepts and examples. Being both reliable and trustworthy are essential because our children depend on us to be there for them. Patience and compassion go hand in hand as they mirror the patience and mercy of God upon us His children.

Communicating our expectations to our children through destructive criticism, lack of quality time, and dysfunctional marriages and families, destroys the relationships between parents and their children. It is not so much what we say but how we say it. Emphasizing the right things in the right ways. means giving them wholesome instruction and admonishing them properly. Your children do not require material things, they require time. Your children should always know that you love them.

“Sticks and Stones may break your bones but words will never hurt me” doesn’t apply to parenting. Using words that deflate your child’s self worth will have a lasting effect on their lives. Telling your children they will never amount to anything will only become a self fulfilling prophecy. You have the power of life and death in your own tongue. Speak peace, love, joy, and happiness into their lives. If, you always say that your children are bad, then what do you expect them to be. Remind your children about what God says about them. Help them to see themselves through God’s eyes.

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it Proverbs 22:6

This is the Bibles commission to parents. But what does training really mean? Leading your children by faith to Christ and being a consistent example to them is the first step in training. Difficult but effective, leading by example communicates our commitment to live out the truth and reality of Jesus in our lives. Defined more by what we don’t do than what we do as mothers, we must be diligent in our prayer life, in our church going, and in the way we interact with people on a daily basis. Knowing Christian doctrine, using Christian vernacular, and appearing Godly may fool outsiders, but it won’t fool your children and it won’t fool God. Seeing you as you really are, children are in the best position to be students of your life. Having the most insight into the relationship between what you say and what you do children become the best at deciphering hypocrisy from true Christian discipleship. Gossiping, lying to the bill collector, and constantly bashing our children’s father are all poor examples of our faith walk with God. In fact, the very message that these attributes send is one of hypocrisy.

Picking and choosing our sins, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t cuss, is more about us than it is about being Christ like. Memorizing scripture is good but a personal relationship with God is the ultimate goal. Morality is not the only gauge by which we are measured. The cemetery is full of people that didn’t do bad things. The question is, was their walk with God close enough to enter the kingdom of heaven. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

We can’t make Christ a reality to our children if He is not a reality to us. Practice what you want them to practice. Children follow and imitate us. “Do as I say not as I do” is a poor motto to follow if you want to raise Godly children. Remember to teach them by example; your example. Learning not brought about by both example and instruction will lead to a child that does not respect the parents. Living out the Christian life through the Holy Spirit will be instruction to your children that Christ is real. Are you creating a desire for God in your children?

Understanding the difference between discipline and punishment is important as well. Punishments are given as a penalty for an offense. It is usually handed out in hostility and frustration and produces fear and guilt. The child senses this and the outcome is compromised. What the child learns instead is that we should solve problems with physical punishment and degrade the object of our anger in the process. The child’s self image is diminished.

Discipline on the other hand is used to train and to correct. Discipline must be fair. It needs to be explained to and understood by the child if it is to be effective. Discipline must also be prompt, delivered as soon after the offense as possible. Finally, discipline must be terminal; no continued reminders, assured reacceptance. In an environment of discipline the child will learn life’s requirements in the context of love and concern. At this point training can take place. This approach has as its goal the development of responsible behavior. It communicates caring to the child. In an environment of true discipline, the child understands the importance of these requirements for their future, for God, and for society.

When training is done effectively and consistently, the rod of correction is seldom necessary. Take the time to train your children in the way they should go.

Award Winning Author Cheryl Lacey Donovan to appear on Great Day Houston

Sandra Thomas
A Virtuous Woman-31
11601 Shadow Creek Pkwy
Pearland, Texas 77584
(832) 615-1197 ext. 702
sthomas@avirtuouswoman-31.org

 

June 15, 2008 Coming from a legacy of preachers, Cheryl Lacey Donovan is walking in her destiny. An anointed woman of God, her mission is to challenge you to look inside yourself for change, to identify the strongholds in your life, and to tear them down with the help of the creator. Once you have crossed her path, your life will never be the same. Cheryl hit the scene with full force when she penned her award winning book Women What the Hell are You Thinking. Cheryl shows no signs of slowing down as she travels the country speaking to women about issues that resonate within their souls.

Cheryl’s internet radio show Worth More Than Rubies reaches thousands of women each week with educational, inspiring, and thought provoking programming that gives women a platform to discuss their issues and design a plan for change. The show will soon go into production as a 30 minute cable TV talk show.

 

On June 26, 2008, at 9:00am CST, Cheryl will appear on Great Day Houston with Debra Duncan to discuss issues related to child rearing practices. “Titus 2 admonishes older women to teach younger women how to love their children.” Cheryl has taken up the mantle to do just that. Her articles, “Are African American Child Rearing Practices a Direct Result of Slavery” and “Discipline vs. Punishment”, give amazing insight into the art of balancing discipline and training. Her upcoming release “The Ministry of Motherhood” delivers a bold message about responsibility and accountability by explaining the keys to the ministry involved with being a mother. Use these keys to unlock the secret and discover the real truth. It is through the gift of the written word that Cheryl ignites flames, delivering a powerful message of hope and inspiration, through faith and family, you will be inspired to change, forced to make a difference and will realize the importance of motherhood, through and through.

 

 

About The Author

Cheryl Donovan is an acclaimed author, inspirational speaker, and compelling advocate for personal empowerment. Her book Women What the Hell are You Thinking remained in the top 10 of Amazons Hot New Releases during its first two months of publication.

Cheryl believes in Psalms 11:25 which says, She who refreshes others will herself be refreshed; therefore, she tries to be transparent as she speaks and writes about her valley to mountain experiences

Cheryl has been recognized nationally for her work. She has been the featured author on radio talk shows such as Artist First, Power Talk FM, An Hour to Empower with Mo and Mickey, and Urban Echoes Voices and Vibes. Her interviews have also appeared in Empowering African American Women Magazine, AA Kulture Zone, The Book Suite, and Women’s Self Esteem. She was awarded the 2007 Literary Power Award and was nominated in several categories for the Infini Awards. Cheryl will be featured for the inaugural season of What Shall We Read, a literary program which airs on CAN-TV in Chicago. She will also be inducted into the 2008 Who’s Who in Black Houston.

Stepping Into My Own – Your Own

We’ve enjoyed a full month of celebrating Black History. I’ve been enlightened, informed, and certainly I have enjoyed all that EDC-creations offered during the Black History Online Month event. Kudos to Miss Ella D. Curry!From this month long celebration many things have been birthed in my spirit. Which leads to my blog for this week.  Listening to so many talented, gifted, blessed, entertaining, and all out remarkable people has been mind boggling for me.  We possess so much talent, so many gifts that the world is in need of knowing about, reading about, hearing about and learning about.  We have so much to share, so much to give, so much to pass on to our children, to our future. It’s time to Step Out.  Step Out Into Your Own. It’s time for me to Step Out Into My Own. It’s time to grab hold of the dream and place it into a real, functioning, existing piece of our lives.  It’s for you and me to Step Into Our Own by making sure the future of our children and our children’s children is secured.  Now is the time to make a difference.  Now is the time to stop ‘talking about it’ and start ‘being about it’. We have much to offer, not only by means of the literary world, but the political world, the world of science, techonology and space.  We have doctors, lawyers, astronauts, brain surgeons, inventors, scientists, athletes, great literary authors, plus more, more and more! As a people, we can make this world a better place, when we learn that we must first take a step into the right now. Take a step into our future by starting today. Take a step into our dreams and bring them back into the realm of reality.  Force our dreams to come true.  I must first Step Into My Own before I can reach out and help someone else, especially a child.  Most children learn and retain more by watching others.  It’s been said that no matter how much we teach our children, that they do most of their learning by watching what we do.  How then, can we encourage them to pursue the desires of their hearts when we have given up on our dreams, and allowed them to be snuffed out and placed on the dusty shelves of our frightened minds?  How can we tell them to believe, trust, and have faith in God, when all they see when they look at us is fear, self-condemnation and a lack of faith in the very God we tell them to cling to?  How can we, as a people, tell them to help one another when all they see when they look at us is a spirit of jealousy and envy over the accomplishments and achievements of our brothers and sisters?  How can we, I ask you, guide them in a direction that will point the way to doing and being whatever they choose to be or become in life, if when they look at us, they see us escaping in a sea of drugs and alcohol to hide the fear of failure that camps within our minds.  When will you and I, me and you, understand and grasp hold of the fact that tomorrow really is not promised to no man, woman, not even a child?  We are a dying people.  Death is ineveitable for each of us, no matter of our race, socio-economic class, color, education, or position.  We are all headed in the same direction. So, while we live, while the blood runs warm in our veins, while we have the ability and the capability, while we have the source, the means and the talents; while we have these things, now is the time to teach our children to grasp on to every single moment of life that they possess.  Now is the time to teach them that they do have what it takes to make good things happen.  Teach them that: One person CAN change the world.  One person CAN change a community.  One person CAN be a leader of millions!  One person CAN do what another dared not do.  One person CAN…But only if I take the first step.  Only if I Step Into My Own…Can You Step Into Your Own!  It has to start with one step.  Why not start with making it – Your Step? You just read: Words According to Shelia-E Author of

What Ever Happened To Black Love? (Column: Motivation Extends My Soul)

 

I can remember the time, I can see it, the love we shared

Pickin’ up that cotton together, chained together, bound in true holiness together,
On our hands and knees we were on the ground praying to GOD together
Even looking in your eyes while we were hung together
It was strong
It was based off the struggles we’ve dealt with
It was based off the honor we gave
It was true, it was real, it was down to earth, and it was deep
Couldn’t any man break that bond- It was tight and it was right

What ever happened to Black Love?
What is Black Love?
When I stand by your side, when the world is trying to destroy you undercover
I am your best friend and I am your lover

When I give birth to your children, so that they may represent who you stand for as Black Man and who I stand for as a Black Woman, and have meaning on this earth
So I may know you are down for me, and that I am down for you all the way
My Black beauty is what you are attracted to and love
You are my Black King and I am your Black Queen,
So let’s go raise our Black prince and princess into the same,
Baby we ain’t got no shame in this Black love game

What ever happened to Black Love?
It’s like, non-existent sometimes, it’s like scarce, it’s like, he just my baby daddy or, she just my baby mama,
Its like, you embarrassed to tell your boys you in love with this Black woman, you’d rather say, she just my friend, nothing more.
You telling everybody, even your own mind that you don’t want nothing more from that Black woman
But ain’t that kind of strange, when all she will do is love you and use her own strength to pick you up, when she see you slippin’ and expect nothing less from you
She will stand by your side till death,
And you don’t want that?
Black man why you embarrassed to be in Love???????
Why?  You think being a real man doesn’t involve being in love or showing your love?
So that you see my Black face, and have misconceptions mixed in with your made up annotations that Black women are this or that, mama dramas, and round about attitudes

What ever happen to Black Love?
When the respect that is lost and thrown out the window for this Black woman or Black man
When the prejudging of a Black Man is not only being degraded by the White Man, but also by his own Black sister too
And the Black Man is saying: Black Woman don’t hate on me, when I already got the White man and sometimes the other Black men hating on me too
And Black Women, he’s absolutely right….

Love sees no color; I would have to agree with that
But it’s not stupid either, and knows color exist, Love feels it
And when love is hating its own and treating it as though something else is better,
Cause you’d rather be with Heather
Or maybe Ms. Ramirez, cause you think that’s the fairest

No, Brotha’, there’s a problem, solve it!
Cause I see you looking at Shaniqua with doubt
Black Man, what’s that all about ?

Isn’t your mother Black, isn’t your sister Black, isn’t your very daughter and son Black?
Are you dating her because she has long straight blonde hair, or easier; so you have stated?  Or are you dating her because you really love her?  

Are you not dating her over there, because you think she got an attitude and hair is too short or kinked up, and hips are too big, and the skin is too dark?  Or are you not dating her because you honestly don’t match character-wise.
There are plenty of beautiful Black woman with many shades and shapes
But regardless, whoever you date make sure love is the basis for it all

I love my Blackness, I love these big hips and round ass, and I love the thickness of my hair, And all of the styles that I can work with
Because nobody else got all these beautiful characteristics, not like me.  Don’t you see?
GOD pictured us, and then made us and said, “Black women, I’m going to make you beautiful, Black and unique.
Cause brotha’, why you tryin’ to play me, when she over there tryin’ to be just like me.

My Brotha’s…. What ever happened to Black Love?
Your own brother you talkin’ about like a dog to the world, and you won’t even help him
And the White Man is sitting back loving it all

But when the White man does the same, it racism
Y’all better cut out all that haterism
What is that really going to accomplish, for real?
Y’all better start making this a big deal
Cause just remember the White man will help his own kind before he helps you, if anything he probably gonna use you for all your hard work, don’t get it confused… OK?
Cause ain’t that what he did to you back in the day?
Understand that, remember that, just go ahead and place it in your mind in case you ever forget

My sisters…. What ever happened to Black Love?
Have we forgot how to respect ourselves?
Cause you know if YOU don’t, the man sure the hell won’t
Now, I’m gonna say this once and maybe once more, because even sometimes I forget and I don’ wrote it:

“Having a man in my life will only influence my happiness, not decide my happiness.
My happiness will be chosen by myself and will depend upon my attitude about who I am as a Black woman and life in general.”
 

Don’t just totally rely on a man to get you where and what you want
Set goals, set dreams, and be the strong Black, unique, woman that GOD made you to be
And if a man does come around to welcome you something, that’s fine
Just remember you can get yours even if he don’t come around

And lets help one another out and build each other up instead of down
We have to keep this world together Black ladies
Act like you love yourself and your children,
Men will respect that
And make them men wait before you just go around given’ it up
Treat your stuff like its diamonds and gold
Make them pay some kind of price before you give it up
And NO….. that price is not all about money, or what they could buy you
Although don’t get me wrong that is nice, But in reality, you can do that your damn self
Unless you don’t really care… Maybe you just need to get you some
But use condoms and don’t be dumb
Unless you want a baby or a disease
And if you are in a relationship, hey… that’s your call
But reach into your mind for a moment before you let them panties fall

And reap the consequences that’s all I’m saying
And think about that, while you on that bed or floor laying

And yes we’ve all had to learn the hard way about feelings getting hurt
I know I have, but now I know I’m on alert
Black women, you have to start using your mind,

Cause If you don’t, then guess who they going around calling a HO?
And you looking like you didn’t even know
So…
If you like that title, then go ahead and do the damn thing Fo’ show!
What ever happened to Black love?
Why are you putting him down as a Black man all the time?
Yes he has flaws, but so do you
Even though Black Men do get on my nerves sometimes too
I can feel you on that and I can relate
But I love my Black Men, I must admit, and I want him as my mate
And I’d rather be with a Black Man any day, and have his children
Because in my book, that’s just the way to do it

Black men have had struggles like no other man, and he has conquered endeavors in front of the entire world
They be frontin’ on him, but they wanna be just like that Black Man
That Black Man is strong in body and in mind
They don’t know his strength, and NO, they can’t have his strength

Why are you dwelling on his jail times, and bail times
And if he doesn’t change, then you know what you gotta do
But let me just remind you, there’s more Black men who got it together than you think
Don’t let the news confuse you

But he’s trying to do something with his life and needs your support as a Black Woman
These Black men have come a long way
And they are here to stay
And they are reaching limitless boundaries and I am loving it…OK!

Stand by his side, and take care of that Black King
So you can teach your little prince to be just like that Black King
So that we may raise our little Black prince and princess up, so that they know who they are as a Black woman and Black man
And not become confused, thinking that Whiteness is better than Blackness
So they may represent and present what Black love is

Don’t get me wrong, we should love all races
But not love all other races and hate our own Blackness.

What ever happened to Black love?
Black love is a beautiful thing
Being Black is a beautiful thing
We need Black people to represent the Black love, because if we don’t, who will?
The man who is White?          Yea, right….

Black love is needed in order to built the self-esteem of Black people and to keep the generation going and going and going
Its lacking sometimes, it’s shedding a little
Who told your mind that White skin is better than Black ?
Who told your mind that course hair is bad, and straight hair is better?
Who told your mind this nose is unattractive and that narrow straight nose is better?
Who told your mind these big lips are unpleasant and those thin lips are better?

The person who has that White skin told you that!
That person who has that straight hair told you that!
That person who has that narrow straight nose told you that!
That person with those thin lips told you that!
GOD never told you that!!

And you believed them like a fool, because it was more of them than you!
And why did you listen????  Ok, so now they GOD right? NO!
 
They told you that, because that’s what they have and they like who they are
But you actin’ like you don’t even like who you are,
GOD created me and told me and showed me that I am beautiful
And I don’t know what you talkin’ bout
But I love my Blackness, It is beautiful, And you can’t have it, And you ain’t got it, And you ain’t never gonna take it,
And NO, I ain’t going to exchange my Blackness

What ever happened to Black Love?
When I see more White people in love than I see Black people – That’s what it seems
And for the Black people who are in love, I raise my fist in the air for you

When I see you disrespecting that Black Queen, and then you walking down the isle with that White one
When I see you neglecting that Black daughter of yours, but raising that new mixed daughter of yours, But ain’t she Black too?
Who told your mind that the light is better than the dark?
Who told your heart that the loving was easier?
Who told your soul that you would rather be in a committed relationship with her rather than me?
Why are you letting your ears listen to those White words, when he doesn’t even like who you really are. And sees you as negatively different?
And even wants to see you be more like him, because he thinks he is better, and wonders why GOD even made you in the first place

What the HELL ever happened to Black Love?
Because you don’t even like who you are,
So now you trying to change me, rearrange me, and than exchange me

My sisters and brothers, What ever happened to Black love?
Let’s make it grow some more with force
Spreading it out is OK, let’s just remember our own as well
Let’s keep it intact, so there won’t even be a question as to:

What Ever Happened to Black Love

Written by Tinisha Nicole Johnson
Author, Writer, Poet
www.tinishanicolejohnon.com

The Abscence Of Black Fathers in the home: Rhonica’s Notebook By Rhonica Wesley

The absence of black fathers in the home is said to be the number one cause for African Americans having the highest percentage of people subjective to poverty. The percentage of children living in two-parent homes has risen since the year 1995, and in my opinion the message is becoming clear. Because in the inner city resources are sometimes limited, some black men don’t see marriage as an option. They don’t have good jobs, and some of them are barely making it, so instead of just duking it out and being a part of their childrens life, they abandon them. Sometimes not by choice. They may do time for a crime in jail and be away from their children for years at a time. They may even be killed on the streets. Then of course you have that one man who is not ready to be a father and just disappears into think air. I myself am the child of a fatherless home. Many people believe that children aren’t raised right when their father is not present, but to be frankly honest black women have been raising their children alone for quite sometime now.

We don’t always look to government assistance for help, because now we are graduating from college with MBAs, and Bachelors. We are owning our own business, and there are so many opportunities out there now that we don’t have to lean on the government. Some of us still do need that extra help, and I don’t believe that you are any less of a mother if you have to accept help. It is for your children, and no matter how people rant and rave about the tax dollars everyone was not born with a silver spoon in their mouths.

Of course in the early part of the twentieth century the father was mostly married to his children’s mother. if he was to go out and cheat, and have other children because marriage was such a powerful union in say the 1920’s there was no divorce or separation. Though the absence of black father’s is still an issue in the black community I do believe that it is beginning to register to black men that it’s time to step up and be a man. It is not at all rare to see a young black father in the store with his baby buying diapers and milk. We are taking ownership of our responsibilities, because in the past we were held responsible for that gap in the homes where the father was not present.

Fatherhood as well as motherhood can be very rewarding. I believe if we encourage our young men more, nurture and guide them to the right paths in life along the way, that they will turn out to be wonderful, strong father’s not so willing to abandon their children.