Seven Tips for Black Women to Live a Happier Life by Tinisha Nicole Johnson

In this day and age when the world is changing, technology is advancing, and years have passed by in a blink of an eye, Black women may wonder about the future and how it will directly impact them. Today’s Black women are beginning to realize that change in the world, and they want a positive piece of it. From the test of time, many women are learning what it takes to be successful and get ahead.

Living in a world where you are constantly reminded that you are the minority of the minority, sooner or later you start to catch on and grab that piece of success. That success can involve anything from earning a living to raising a family. However, along the way you may begin to doubt yourself, you may even wonder about your self-worth, and at the end of the day, you want reassurance just to stay in the game.

Tip #1:
When your mind is stuck in the past, you are in fact a prisoner of your past, resisting the key to free yourself into a new direction for your future.

The past is gone. Sometimes you have to let it go. Black women love very hard. They feel as though they have to. It is their core source of strength. It is also a quality they fully accept from others. Whatever has happened in your life, you have to embrace the good and let go of the negativity, but always look ahead as optimistic as you can.

Tip #2:
Whatever your constant focus is on, is what will move you closer to happiness or deeper into dissatisfaction.

Focus on your strengths and refuse to accept being Black and a woman as a weakness. Train your mind to believe you are self-confident and capable, and soon your actions will follow pursuit.

Tip #3:
When you start to understand and believe the depth of your worth, then NO ONE can fool you into thinking what your worth is as a Black woman.

The media has a funny way of interjecting what is beauty and what is not; what is popular and what is thrown out. Don’t believe the hype! There are some who seem to have it all on the outside, but are hurting badly inside. Realize that your inner happiness means more than any outer material possession or physical trait. Love you, and the world has no choice but to acknowledge it and accept it.

Tip #4:
If something isn’t working then change your approach. Knowledge is everything. Along with knowledge and persistence, you will make better choices.

Believe it or not, you might be surprised that you don’t know yourself as well as you might think. Live life, get a life, experience something new, and be open to change in your life.

Tip #5:
Life just isn’t long enough to settle. The strength to change your situation is already inside you, you just have to realize and find it. Black women settle far more than they have to. They may want a change, but their actions tell a different story.

Realize you don’t have to settle. In some cases, it’s just demeaning to your self-worth. Recognize your strengths, work on improving your weaknesses, and always recognize the love that lives in the core of your soul.

Tip #6:
When you think others are holding you back, it’s your own way of thinking that’s holding many Black women back.

Many people resort to excuses – constant excuses. If you want something, go after it. Don’t allow insecurities or excuses to get in the way for too long, and stop your journey through life. More so, don’t for one second think you can’t accomplish your goals because of another human being.

Tip #7:
The quality of the relationship you have with yourself determines how many fears you have, and more importantly how you handle your fears.

You may have never thought of what type of relationship you have with yourself, but you should. You are going to be with yourself for the rest of your life. You might as well get to know yourself as much as you can. Always look for ways to enhance your growth – whether that growth is spiritual, emotional, relating to your career, family or health.

BIO:
Tinisha Nicole Johnson is an author, writer, and poet. She resides in Denver, Colorado with her family. Besides writing, she also hosts political and sports teleconferences as a profession. Tinisha is a versatile author. To date she’s written a mystery novel, a romance ebook, co-wrote an inspirational anthology, and her poetry can be read in various books and online.

The above article is based off her upcoming book, Lessons Learned: Loving Yourself as a Black Woman published through Xpress Yourself Publishing.

To learn more and to sign up for my monthly newsletter, visit the author at her website: http://www.tinishanicolejohnson.com

What Ever Happened To Black Love? (Column: Motivation Extends My Soul)

 

I can remember the time, I can see it, the love we shared

Pickin’ up that cotton together, chained together, bound in true holiness together,
On our hands and knees we were on the ground praying to GOD together
Even looking in your eyes while we were hung together
It was strong
It was based off the struggles we’ve dealt with
It was based off the honor we gave
It was true, it was real, it was down to earth, and it was deep
Couldn’t any man break that bond- It was tight and it was right

What ever happened to Black Love?
What is Black Love?
When I stand by your side, when the world is trying to destroy you undercover
I am your best friend and I am your lover

When I give birth to your children, so that they may represent who you stand for as Black Man and who I stand for as a Black Woman, and have meaning on this earth
So I may know you are down for me, and that I am down for you all the way
My Black beauty is what you are attracted to and love
You are my Black King and I am your Black Queen,
So let’s go raise our Black prince and princess into the same,
Baby we ain’t got no shame in this Black love game

What ever happened to Black Love?
It’s like, non-existent sometimes, it’s like scarce, it’s like, he just my baby daddy or, she just my baby mama,
Its like, you embarrassed to tell your boys you in love with this Black woman, you’d rather say, she just my friend, nothing more.
You telling everybody, even your own mind that you don’t want nothing more from that Black woman
But ain’t that kind of strange, when all she will do is love you and use her own strength to pick you up, when she see you slippin’ and expect nothing less from you
She will stand by your side till death,
And you don’t want that?
Black man why you embarrassed to be in Love???????
Why?  You think being a real man doesn’t involve being in love or showing your love?
So that you see my Black face, and have misconceptions mixed in with your made up annotations that Black women are this or that, mama dramas, and round about attitudes

What ever happen to Black Love?
When the respect that is lost and thrown out the window for this Black woman or Black man
When the prejudging of a Black Man is not only being degraded by the White Man, but also by his own Black sister too
And the Black Man is saying: Black Woman don’t hate on me, when I already got the White man and sometimes the other Black men hating on me too
And Black Women, he’s absolutely right….

Love sees no color; I would have to agree with that
But it’s not stupid either, and knows color exist, Love feels it
And when love is hating its own and treating it as though something else is better,
Cause you’d rather be with Heather
Or maybe Ms. Ramirez, cause you think that’s the fairest

No, Brotha’, there’s a problem, solve it!
Cause I see you looking at Shaniqua with doubt
Black Man, what’s that all about ?

Isn’t your mother Black, isn’t your sister Black, isn’t your very daughter and son Black?
Are you dating her because she has long straight blonde hair, or easier; so you have stated?  Or are you dating her because you really love her?  

Are you not dating her over there, because you think she got an attitude and hair is too short or kinked up, and hips are too big, and the skin is too dark?  Or are you not dating her because you honestly don’t match character-wise.
There are plenty of beautiful Black woman with many shades and shapes
But regardless, whoever you date make sure love is the basis for it all

I love my Blackness, I love these big hips and round ass, and I love the thickness of my hair, And all of the styles that I can work with
Because nobody else got all these beautiful characteristics, not like me.  Don’t you see?
GOD pictured us, and then made us and said, “Black women, I’m going to make you beautiful, Black and unique.
Cause brotha’, why you tryin’ to play me, when she over there tryin’ to be just like me.

My Brotha’s…. What ever happened to Black Love?
Your own brother you talkin’ about like a dog to the world, and you won’t even help him
And the White Man is sitting back loving it all

But when the White man does the same, it racism
Y’all better cut out all that haterism
What is that really going to accomplish, for real?
Y’all better start making this a big deal
Cause just remember the White man will help his own kind before he helps you, if anything he probably gonna use you for all your hard work, don’t get it confused… OK?
Cause ain’t that what he did to you back in the day?
Understand that, remember that, just go ahead and place it in your mind in case you ever forget

My sisters…. What ever happened to Black Love?
Have we forgot how to respect ourselves?
Cause you know if YOU don’t, the man sure the hell won’t
Now, I’m gonna say this once and maybe once more, because even sometimes I forget and I don’ wrote it:

“Having a man in my life will only influence my happiness, not decide my happiness.
My happiness will be chosen by myself and will depend upon my attitude about who I am as a Black woman and life in general.”
 

Don’t just totally rely on a man to get you where and what you want
Set goals, set dreams, and be the strong Black, unique, woman that GOD made you to be
And if a man does come around to welcome you something, that’s fine
Just remember you can get yours even if he don’t come around

And lets help one another out and build each other up instead of down
We have to keep this world together Black ladies
Act like you love yourself and your children,
Men will respect that
And make them men wait before you just go around given’ it up
Treat your stuff like its diamonds and gold
Make them pay some kind of price before you give it up
And NO….. that price is not all about money, or what they could buy you
Although don’t get me wrong that is nice, But in reality, you can do that your damn self
Unless you don’t really care… Maybe you just need to get you some
But use condoms and don’t be dumb
Unless you want a baby or a disease
And if you are in a relationship, hey… that’s your call
But reach into your mind for a moment before you let them panties fall

And reap the consequences that’s all I’m saying
And think about that, while you on that bed or floor laying

And yes we’ve all had to learn the hard way about feelings getting hurt
I know I have, but now I know I’m on alert
Black women, you have to start using your mind,

Cause If you don’t, then guess who they going around calling a HO?
And you looking like you didn’t even know
So…
If you like that title, then go ahead and do the damn thing Fo’ show!
What ever happened to Black love?
Why are you putting him down as a Black man all the time?
Yes he has flaws, but so do you
Even though Black Men do get on my nerves sometimes too
I can feel you on that and I can relate
But I love my Black Men, I must admit, and I want him as my mate
And I’d rather be with a Black Man any day, and have his children
Because in my book, that’s just the way to do it

Black men have had struggles like no other man, and he has conquered endeavors in front of the entire world
They be frontin’ on him, but they wanna be just like that Black Man
That Black Man is strong in body and in mind
They don’t know his strength, and NO, they can’t have his strength

Why are you dwelling on his jail times, and bail times
And if he doesn’t change, then you know what you gotta do
But let me just remind you, there’s more Black men who got it together than you think
Don’t let the news confuse you

But he’s trying to do something with his life and needs your support as a Black Woman
These Black men have come a long way
And they are here to stay
And they are reaching limitless boundaries and I am loving it…OK!

Stand by his side, and take care of that Black King
So you can teach your little prince to be just like that Black King
So that we may raise our little Black prince and princess up, so that they know who they are as a Black woman and Black man
And not become confused, thinking that Whiteness is better than Blackness
So they may represent and present what Black love is

Don’t get me wrong, we should love all races
But not love all other races and hate our own Blackness.

What ever happened to Black love?
Black love is a beautiful thing
Being Black is a beautiful thing
We need Black people to represent the Black love, because if we don’t, who will?
The man who is White?          Yea, right….

Black love is needed in order to built the self-esteem of Black people and to keep the generation going and going and going
Its lacking sometimes, it’s shedding a little
Who told your mind that White skin is better than Black ?
Who told your mind that course hair is bad, and straight hair is better?
Who told your mind this nose is unattractive and that narrow straight nose is better?
Who told your mind these big lips are unpleasant and those thin lips are better?

The person who has that White skin told you that!
That person who has that straight hair told you that!
That person who has that narrow straight nose told you that!
That person with those thin lips told you that!
GOD never told you that!!

And you believed them like a fool, because it was more of them than you!
And why did you listen????  Ok, so now they GOD right? NO!
 
They told you that, because that’s what they have and they like who they are
But you actin’ like you don’t even like who you are,
GOD created me and told me and showed me that I am beautiful
And I don’t know what you talkin’ bout
But I love my Blackness, It is beautiful, And you can’t have it, And you ain’t got it, And you ain’t never gonna take it,
And NO, I ain’t going to exchange my Blackness

What ever happened to Black Love?
When I see more White people in love than I see Black people – That’s what it seems
And for the Black people who are in love, I raise my fist in the air for you

When I see you disrespecting that Black Queen, and then you walking down the isle with that White one
When I see you neglecting that Black daughter of yours, but raising that new mixed daughter of yours, But ain’t she Black too?
Who told your mind that the light is better than the dark?
Who told your heart that the loving was easier?
Who told your soul that you would rather be in a committed relationship with her rather than me?
Why are you letting your ears listen to those White words, when he doesn’t even like who you really are. And sees you as negatively different?
And even wants to see you be more like him, because he thinks he is better, and wonders why GOD even made you in the first place

What the HELL ever happened to Black Love?
Because you don’t even like who you are,
So now you trying to change me, rearrange me, and than exchange me

My sisters and brothers, What ever happened to Black love?
Let’s make it grow some more with force
Spreading it out is OK, let’s just remember our own as well
Let’s keep it intact, so there won’t even be a question as to:

What Ever Happened to Black Love

Written by Tinisha Nicole Johnson
Author, Writer, Poet
www.tinishanicolejohnon.com

It’s a sister thang: Oneness as sisters

Rhonica’s Notebook

by

Rhonica Wesley

Black women have often been deemed loud, unruly, ignorant, and sometimes irrational in the entertainment world. Though it is entertaining to some of us, it is not in the least bit a laughing matter because sometimes it hits the nail right on the head. On numerous accounts women were portrayed this way in such movies as; “Friday,” Starring Ice Cube, Chris Tucker, and Regina King. In “Baby Boy.” Starring Tyrese and snoop dog, “Baps,” A movie that starred Halle Berry. The list is endless, and though most of us have grown to love some of these movies, do we really stop and take a look at ourselves?

Instead of downing each other, don’t you think it’s time that we uplift each other? African-American women have been stereotyped too long, and though we are making a change we are still not out of the woods.

“I know that she didn’t wear that.”

“Girl did you hear what happened to Gina.”

“I got some news for you, and it’s about that &#*@& Wendy.”

You’ve heard it on the subway,in class, just around the way. You’ve listened to the gossip, and sometimes even started some yourself. Gossip can sometimes be harmful to relationships that we have with those we love. It’s easy enough to say, “Just butt out.” but when juicy gossip hits the street, we all want to know. Recently I found on yahoo answers a question sent by a woman, the question stated,

Question for black women only…!?

how to do you feel about other black women..my experiences with other black women is always negative…they always looking at me with their faces all frowned up…when i walk into a retail shop they don’t look like my way..but…if a white woman or someone less attractive walks in they run and break their neck to help them..why are most sistas so negative,evil and jealous?

The young lady was merely suggesting that black women were not fond of her because she was more attractive and black. Is this true? do we as black women single each other out because we feel threatened, and jealous even?

In the past we thought a good way to keep down mess, was to keep out business to ourselves, but it is sometimes that one sister that we think is trustworthy who is spreading our news all over town. As the black community rapidly progresses, and we are becoming more active in our neighborhoods, and earning degrees, and awards to better ourselves. We as role models to our younger generation of young black women need to realize that oneness is important. If you viewed my video “they for them and we for us,” you’ll understand when I say a comforting word is more than a downgrading one. It is “Us” sisters for our generation. It is time to take life by the reins and teach and nurture our young women. Oneness means coming together and standing for what we believe in. Less iniquity and more equality among our sisters. no matter what side of the tracks she comes from, what she wears or how fresh her hairstyle is. it’s time we made this a sister thang.